10 very innovative ways to 'toast' a girl. (must read)

1. The “Deaf and Dumb” Approach: I used this approach only once and it worked wonders, she laughed so much that she almost cried laughing. This is how it worked: I went to the bank to deposit some money for a friend, I saw this pretty damsel, we exchanged glances but I just looked away. you know how banks in Nigeria can be, even to deposit money there is a long line. So after admiring from far, I opened memopad on my blackberry I wrote the following “Hi dear, my name is Kurtis and I am deaf and dumb, I couldn’t help notice how beautiful you are and thought I say hello, do you wanna go out with me sometime?..reply here please” and then I walked up to her and gave her the phone. After reading it, she smiled but was so shy to reply that she looked at me with pity in her eyes and then I said “So you really think I am deaf and dumb”. She laughed so much and said afterwards that she really thought I was deaf and dumb and was relieved I wasn’t and had pity for me seeing this cute deaf and dumb guy.

2. The “Modelling” Approach: I use this approach on tall girls and has always worked. I was strolling to the supermarket when I saw this tall girl standing and waiting for someone by the side of my street, I was looking at her and she was looking at me and as I was about passing her I stopped and said “wow, how tall are you (they don’t ever know) and I be like, you don’t know your height?, shame on you…but please tell me you model and your not wasting this God given height” and then a conversation ensues. By the way, the lady above, we ended up dating.lol

3. The “Lost Man” Approach: This approach works well at a busstop or somewhere outside and everyone is standing still. This is how it works, I spot a girl I want and as I am approaching her, I will fake talking to someone on the phone and be like “Jude, I can’t find the place, I have no idea where the bank is and I don’t want to take this money back home” and then with the phone still in my hand, I ask the lady “please do you have any idea where First Bank is around here”, she says she knows the place and then I end the fake conversation on the phone and then she gives me directions to the place and a conversation ensues afterwards..*wink*

4. The “Jersey” Approach: This approach should be used ONLY when you want to approach a lady wearing a football jersey. You walk up to her and be like without even saying hi “Why do fine girls always support this ‘trophyless Arsenal sef, haba!!…is it just because they have fine footballers?…she tries to defend herself and her club and una start to gist.

5. The “Brazilian Hair” Approach: You walk up to a girl on human hair and after saying hi, you be like “your hair looks very preety, I would love to get one for my sister, what type is it?” from there small small, you change the topic to something not as boring as a girl’s hair..lol

6. The “Big Grammar” Approach: This approach always and I mean always works. You walk up to a lady and with Honourable Patrick’s grammar you be like “Hello damsel, I feel exhilarated in this intercises viewing the pestilential suzerain of your countenance in this terra firma, what do you think about it?”. you will get any girl laughing with this approach and after she tells you to come again, you then speak good English..lol

7. The “Bad Grammar” Approach: This is when you decide to embarass yourself for a minute to to put her at ease and get her laughing. You walk to a lady and be like “Hello you look very familiarity, do you resident in this area because I think I have saw you here before and I don’t wanted you to leave again without saying hi”, she might hold her laughter so as not to embarrass you and then when you feel she is at ease you then say”so you really think my English is that bad?”, she laughs again and then a conversation ensues.

8. The “Lost Language” Approach: You walk up to a lady and you start speaking French “bonjour cher, mon nom est Charles, je viens du Cameroun, mais après avoir vu que j’ai raté mon vol de retour, je peux obtenir votre nom?”, you don’t have to know what your saying but sound like you know what you are saying and after confusing her, you then say sth like “I thought you will figure out that I have been speaking rubbish since..lol” and a conversation ensues.

9. The “Something in Your Hair” approach: This approach should be used only when the babe is not smiling and looks like someone not in the mood to talk to anyone not even Jesus (some girls have this harsh no nonsense countenance a times). You walk up to her with something in your hand and be like “Hi sorry to say but there is something in you hair, she looks for it and doesn’t find it and you be like its there there, and you fake removing it and you show her the thing you had in your hand ever since” and then she smiles and says thanks and you be like “where did you climb to that it was in your hair and she tries defending her ‘beautiful and expensive hair’ and then a conversation ensues.

10. The “I know you from somewhere” approach: This approach only and I mean it, it only works when you have prior knowledge of the girl, maybe you like her from far and you never met her before but a friend knows her, ask your friend for little info about her like where she’s schooling, or what is she studying or which hostel she stays in school. With this knowledge you walk up to her and be like “Hi, I don’t want to tell you that you look familiar because it sounds so cliché but seriously I think I know you from somewhere, do you school at UNILAG and do you stay in Moremi hall?”…she will be like yes, I do then you tell her a story of how you came to UNILAG once to see your sister and saw her passing by in her night gown with no makeup on. She tries to laugh it off and then the conversation ensues

As told by kingkurtismith